An Article to Share...

The following is an article which was recently posted in the Banbury Cake, a British newspaper. I'm sure it was the personal side of this story which really appealed to me. Seeing how Sarah's difficulties followed her into adulthood, and how she's coped, has given me a better idea of what types of challenges might lie ahead for Jordan. My thanks to Emily Allen for allowing me to share this story with you.

Asperger’s diagnosis helped things ‘make sense’

10:58am Thursday 9th September 2010

By Emily Allen

SARAH Hewitt always felt like an outsider at school.

She was disruptive, found it difficult to make friendships, and for years she wondered why she did not fit in.

To escape the confusion and angst which beset her days at Bloxham School, she would immerse herself in music, and excelled at the clarinet and saxophone.

It was not until she was 26 that doctors diagnosed her with Asperger Syndrome (AS), after her mother Sue suspected her daughter’s social difficulties were not normal.

Mrs Hewitt, who is married to 45-year-old property developer Chris Liversedge, said the diagnosis changed her life, and helped save her relationship.

Asperger Syndrome is a form of autism, a life-long and incurable disability which affects how a person makes sense of the world, processes information and relates to other people.

Mrs Hewitt, who now lives in Stanton Harcourt, said: “Some things had been going wrong for years, and my mum said she thought I had a chemical inbalance.

“I had difficulties in social situations and managing relationships.

“When you get older, children are expected to become more responsible and learn how to interact with other people and how to empathise, but I did not.”

Around 588,000 people in the UK are thought to suffer from some type of autism including Asperger’s, but only one in five are female. Diagnosis so late in life is also rare, with many youngsters showing signs from the age of two-years-old.

Mrs Hewitt added: “I would get left behind in conversations and I could not master the skill of making people feel good about themselves or comfortable with me in their company.

“I was too honest about things, I did not learn to ‘white lie’. I was very blunt with people and didn’t realise what I was saying would cause offence.

“My sister and her friends in Stratford always spoke of someone called ‘Orange John’. I really offended him when I met him, as I said: ‘You must be Orange John’ and I did not understand that was not what everyone really called him.”

The 33-year-old dropped out of Goldsmith’s University after a term, and began a cycle of different jobs, all of which she said ended after relations with her colleagues deteriorated.

She has maintained her current role as a senior technical consultant for BT thanks to the support of the company and the National Autistic Society employment arm Prospects.

She said: “When I was diagnosed, it really helped, things made sense. It really helped my relationship with my parents and sister, they realised I wasn’t a nutcase, but that my brain was wired differently.

“I do not know if my relationship with Chris would have lasted had I not been diagnosed. He understands it now and my differences. He knows if I am behaving strangely I am not doing it intentionally. He is a very patient man.”

She admits although she has become more aware of herself, she still struggles with ‘meaningless small talk’ and is dogged by obsessive behaviour – both typical characteristics if people with AS.

She added: “The difficulty is, it is so invisible, AS does not affect intelligence or the way you look.

“It can be very difficult because people expect you to be the same as them and operate in the same manner, but there are subtle differences which can surprise people.”

For help and advice on dealing with autism or Asperger’s call the National Autistic Society call 0845 070 4004.

© Copyright 2001-2010 Newsquest Media Group

Posted with permission from Emily Allen.

Is a Tomato a Fruit?

*This* I had to share because, well...it's classic Jordan.

A few weeks back during Jordan's class trip to science camp, our group was patiently waiting for the wagon to arrive so we could be transported to our next learning adventure location. While we were waiting, a lovely gentleman by the name of "Grandpa" decided to fill the time by talking with the students about the foods we grow. At one point, he asked the kids to name their favorite vegetables, and so each took a turn telling us what they liked to eat.

At one point in the discussion, someone mentioned tomatoes. To "Grandpa," this was an "ah-haaa" moment which needed further investigation, so he asked the students, "...but kids wait a minute, is a tomato a vegetable or is it a fruit?"

All at once, about half of the students shouted out "vegetable" and the others staked their claim for "a fruit." Grandpa quickly settled down the ruckus that arose, and then listened to a couple of students as they stated their rationale.

Then without raising her hand, Jordan spoke out in a clear voice and very matter-of-factly -- "Of course a tomato is a vegetable. Don't any of you know about Bob the Tomato? He's on *VEGGIE TALES*. Get it? Veggie Tales?"

The high-wattage light bulbs in everyone's thinking caps seemed to all turn on at once, as I scanned faces throughout the group. And the "oh yeah..." smiling facial expressions I saw among the chaperones were priceless.

Yep. That's my outside-the-box thinker. And I'm yours truly, her very proud Mom.

And We're Back

Well, it's been about six weeks, so I'll very briefly mention some highlights.

We flew out of state to my husband's (military) retirement ceremony. Jordan flew with her daddy, and I flew with our other daughter so as to increase the chances we'd all arrive (going standby) in time.  One thing which Jordan likes about traveling is she loves staying in hotels (so far she's not caught on to the bedbug outbreak - which is good).  Finding food that she'll like is always a challenge, however.  But this trip, Jordan actually did very well during the Marine ceremony as well as at the reception, and we returned home within two days.  

Oh wait -- I forgot. At the retirement party that evening, Jordan perked up out of her slight boredom when one of the pilots in my husband's squadron took the stage.  It was this guy's job to recognize what the group was sure to miss about Paul in the weeks ahead, by telling some classic anecdotes about him, using humor and props along the way.  I wish I would have had the time that evening to blog about what happened because it's an area which deserves to stand on its own...I'd say maybe ⅔ of the way into this guy's speech, Jordan chimed in something to the effect that "My dad has a lot of gas."  Oh - my - gosh, I wanted a trap door to immediately open under my baby's chair and stop her from saying anything further.  Of course, the Marines thought this child was brilliantly funny, which only fed her desire to say more.  No horrified glares or threatening whispers were going to stop her now - and on she went through the rest of his speech.  But again, all things considered, Jordan was quiet and respectful at the ceremony itself, making this a pretty successful trip.   

Heading back to school that Monday, we learned that one of Jordan's teachers was not returning. An e-mail from the school stated that the teacher resigned, but every cell in my body lead me to feel otherwise. Now many weeks later, all of my instincts still tell me that this teacher was fired. What bothers me most about this can be laid out in two parts. For starters, parents had no part in this decision. Especially having a child who does not acclimate quickly to change, one who has grown to not like school at all, I've been very disappointed that parents were not informed nor asked to share our concerns before any decisions were made. Secondly, I feel that I've had to lie to Jordan about why her teacher is no longer at her school. This whole thing has been a setback to what began as a great year.  Jordan is not happy about school again and she's had to become acclimated to a new teacher, who in return, has had to learn all about Jordan.  In this regard, it's been a fairly difficult month.

The next big thing to occur was Jordan's class trip, of which I was one of the chaperones.  Our group traveled to a summer camp, about a two and a half hour drive from our school, where we stayed for three days to learn about science in the wilderness. Again, Jordan's main struggle was food, but one of the kitchen staff (who told me she herself had been a picky eater as a child) took a special interest in Jordan and cooked her bacon (crispy but not overdone) for two of her meals. To Jordan, this rates high up there with the invention of the television, so Jordan's energy level and her outlook for the rest of the camp experience improved to the highest levels! So thank you Kim - you were her guardian angel!

And so that's what's kept me extremely busy. All of this plus my other daughter's volleyball schedule, having my husband move back home again after 7 years away (for the most part), Homecoming week & Halloween. 

It's all good. My child is wonderfully made.   :)

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."   Psalm 139:14  NIV

Eye Love You

Since Tuesday, my dad's been in town. I should have known that he'd show up earlier than he was supposed to, but he caught me off guard.  After all, New Jersey to Texas is a looong drive.  I'd think even more-so for someone who had his eye removed in February & had surgery in July to implant a cardiac defibrillator.

Overall, things went very well. Jordan was polite and mostly happy the entire visit. There was a moment or two after school on Wednesday where I think Jordan could have used a little down-time, but she pressed onward. She definitely would have had a rougher time if this happened a year ago. 

But overall, this was a great visit. Grandparent's Day was very nice according to my dad.  I think the highlight of his morning yesterday was receiving this letter from Jordan:

I thought this letter was classic Jordan and I just had to copy and save it.

But just a little while ago, Dad left after we all had lunch together. After saying goodbye once, Jordan went back and hugged her Pop Pop a second time. Kind of surprising because Jordan doesn't usually do that - even with Paul or me. I think she felt more comfortable with him than she ever has. Maybe that was due to the fact that Dad didn't have any distractions like work to keep him jumping around like he always is up in NJ. In any event, Jordan seemed sad to see my dad having to leave.

Walking to the car, she even expressed that she didn't like "the good-bye part" of visiting.

 You've come a long way, sweetie pie; a very long way.

Verse For Jordan

This is currently my favorite verse for Jordan:

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”   Zephaniah 3:17  NIV

Strep Has Struck

Ugh. Strep has struck.

I would've loved to have posted a debrief on Jordan's party - which was lovely and sweet, and strangely normal.  But the next day, what we thought was just fatigue wound up being a little bit more.  Ugh.

Right now my body aches, I'm falling asleep, and I need to quickly recover before my dad arrives from N.J.  Too much going on to be sick now.

Today is Jordan's Birthday!

Oh my goodness, my little sweetie is twelve years old! When did time speed up from those days in *my* childhood where the "sands of time" would often clog up in the timer?  Sheesh.  Jordan -- let's have the best time ever at your party this afternoon! Your birthday is *finally* here!!


It's interesting. After taking Jordan to school this morning, I was thinking about some of the things that were on Jordan's mind, heading into her birthday. The first that she shared with me over breakfast was that she hoped that those girls who did not receive invitations to her party would not be mad at her.  Looking into her worried eyes, I tried adjusting her thoughts to only positive & here and now things. I told her that this year we needed to keep her party a little bit smaller than her parties in the past. I also told her not to worry about things that hadn't yet happened - and to put her crystal ball away (to which she laughed). I mentioned, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Luke 12:25  NIV.


Jordan gave me one of those, "yeah mommy, but you're not a kid" lines and she stood up from the kitchen table.  I chuckled knowing what she meant but said, "I'm sure God was speaking to children, too."  Lol!  Coming over to give me a hug, she then asked another "what if..." about her decision to have chocolate cupcakes.  "What if someone only likes vanilla?"  "Miss Jordan..."


So I got to wondering...can a person *still* be diagnosed with Aspergers even though the person is able to display this sort of consideration about someone else's feelings?  Or is it that Jordan appears to have empathy, but below the surface it has more to do with worrying about how *she'll* react to negative responses from peers? I'm not really understanding that part.


That said, just a few more hours and it's party time! 


Lord, we ask that You will make Your presence felt at Jordan's party today. Soften the hearts of her friends, Lord, and help them to see all the beauty and warmth in Jordan's heart. Father, hold and embrace her, and guide her to remember to use her best social skills to minimize her differences.  Jesus, we look to You for encouragement, for support, for wisdom and all things. Lord we know You made Jordan purposely, and we ask Your blessing and hugs as we continue to be the very best parents we can for this precious child of ours...and Yours.


In Your precious name,
Jordan's mom

 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”  Jeremiah 1:5  NIV 

Are Some Of Her Qualities Actually Benefits?

Tonight, I spent a little time reading a few articles I've had bookmarked for some time. I'm off to bed shortly, but some of this really screamed "Jordan" and I wanted to share it with you all. This piece actually addressed some of the benefits of Aspergers.

Here are a few snip-its from this short write up, which definitely applies to our sweetie:

"Asperger's and Self-Esteem: Insight and Hope through Famous Role Models," written by Norm Ledgin, claims that thirteen giants of history - Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, and Mozart among them - likely had Aspergers Syndrome. He documents that "Some people also believe that Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Charles Darwin, Galileo, Pablo Picasso, Benjamin Franklin, Margaret Mead and Aristotle could have likely been diagnosed with this syndrome.

Diane Kennedy, an author and advocate for Asperger Syndrome, writes, "They are our visionaries, scientists, diplomats, inventors, chefs, artists, writers and musicians. They are the original thinkers and a driving force in our culture."

Dierdre Lovecky, an expert in the field, has written about the positive aspects of Aspergers Syndrome. She's noted how:

those with Aspergers often have advanced vocabularies, recognize patterns others do not, and pursue ideas despite evidence to the contrary because they are not easily swayed by others' opinions. Their ability to focus on details and their inability to see the big picture means they can often come up with solutions to problems others overlook. Aspies are often willing to spend long hours in laboratories and in front of computer screens because they do not mind being alone. All this enables them to make tremendous contributions at work and school. Author Patricia Bashe points out that people often admire those who can work independently. She writes, "Our society celebrates the individual who does what he thinks is right and goes his own way."

Many experts relate that Aspies can make amazingly loyal friends. They are usually free from sexism or racism. They do not manipulate people but speak out frankly and honestly. They are sincere truth-tellers, whose naivety and trusting nature makes them incapable of backstabbing. As employees, they are completely dependable and follow the rules of the job. Psychologist Teresa Bolick writes, "Their deficits are actually assets, as they are unfettered by convention or manners. Aspies help us stay grounded by questioning why we do what we do, why we need to get married" and other basic societal assumptions.

Most of the above was taken from:

http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/benefits.html

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  Jeremiah 29:11  NIV

To Hork Or Not To Hork

For most of this year, Jordan has enjoyed using and saying the word "hork." Believe me, I've looked it up and it's actually out there. It's not in any of the printed dictionaries as far as I know, but it *can* be found in a few places online. Unless any one of you can tell me otherwise, its strongest representation is found on an Urban Dictionary website. But how and where did Jordan pick this up?

I'll get to that in a minute --

What pushed this subject to the forefront today was listening to Jordan's recitation of a poem she had written for a current English assignment.  The poem (*surprise*) is about wolves, her chosen topic.  In one of the lines, Jordan had written the word "hork," as in "The wolves were horking their food."  Oh dear me.

So right after she had gone to school this morning, I did a search on the web for the word. And whuddayaknow ... "hork" was mentioned in the movie Ratatouille!

See for yourself:

When Less Is More

Jordan came home from school today in a pleasant and friendly mood.  She didn't offer up much information about school, except to say that her favorite class today was English and that one of the boys got in a little trouble for talking too much.  I felt awful that I didn't get to spend much time with her this evening, but it was parent night at the high school.  

As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm realizing though that in at least one regard, less really *is* more.  No complaints or hurt feelings today were reported!  Yippee!! Praising You Lord for this!!

Tomorrow will start up another year of girl's friendship club for the sixth graders who are interested. In the past, Jordan has had mixed feelings about attending, questioning how "some girls can go to friendship club and forget the friend part." Sometimes in her innocence she hits the nail dead on. Last year I allowed Jordan to choose whether to go or not, and many times she chose to just come home. But as her mom, I know that shielding her from pain and keeping her from real-life social situations isn't helping her grow.  I'm so hopeful now since her teacher has addressed Asperger's with the entire grade and with the positive response from the students.  Some really appear to have "gotten it."  Again, all praise and glory are His! Isn't it amazing how far a little understanding and kindness can go? I think we all can learn from this.

But that's it for the day.  No telling how tomorrow will go. I'm heading to bed now, enjoying what's left of this rather calm day.    

Good night.

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; 

he delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:3  NIV 

Planning For The Big Day

Jordan is getting very excited about her upcoming birthday. To her, it's the one day that's guaranteed to please her taste buds from start to finish.  She's already reminding me that she would *love* bacon with some pancakes Friday morning.  She always eats the same thing everyday for lunch when she's in school ... shredded Boar's Head Ovengold turkey, slices of green pepper, a Minutemaid Pink Lemonade cooler and Asteroid cheese puffs; she hasn't decided if she'll change that up yet. Dinner is still being discussed since it will depend whether her friends can see the movie on Friday or Saturday.


Which reminds me -- the movie. After many months of waiting for its premiere, the movie "Alpha And Omega" opens on Jordan's birthday. Very apropos. For those of you who don't already know, Jordan is a lover of wolves and has been for almost half her life.  Lol!  I really think in her mind, she's actually one of them.  But that whole story is for another time.


Here's the trailer for "Alpha And Omega":





With all that said, I'm heading to bed a little earlier tonight with a huge prayer in my heart; not just for Jordan but for everyone. And especially 9 years after 9-11 ... it's a prayer about friendship, peace and love. And a verse on my mind:

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."     
 1 John 4:7  NIV

Not Sure Why It's Like This, But...

This is sort of how "math with daddy" goes:

Bracing

Just sent an e-mail to her teacher:


Dear Mrs. X.,

Concerned older sister called me on her way to vball and said Jordan was crying out in the hallway a few minutes ago.  I'm so sorry.  Know that if you ever need me, most times I'm able to come right over to assist (although I'm not sure that I'd be teaching Jordan anything positive).

I'm not sure what prompted her "crying like when daddy tries to teach her math kind-of-cry." (sister's description.)

I know yesterday was overload on the stimuli with the tornado sirens, the dog barking, etc.  She also misplaced her Worldview study cards until late last night, so that was quite a bit for her.  Add to that, she's getting a little nervous in Mrs. Xxxxx's room and I believe Jordan has a black-or-white perception of "faces-at-rest" and each person's normal sound volume.

If I were to guess -- since Jordan's day 1 upset over the ants in her locker, she's actually gone longer than she probably ever has without another meltdown.  Maybe things have been building inside of her, mashed together with the stress of tests this week, the tornado warnings yesterday, and a little less sleep last night that she just couldn't keep things together?

I really appreciate you. Hugs to you! "Crying like when daddy tries to teach [Jordan] math kind-of-cry" is not a pretty experience.

In Him,
:)

Quotes from yesterday

"I was 1st person in line to get to first base!"

"They loved the hamsters I gave them!"

**************
**************

And a paraphrased event:

You know that new teacher who does Character Crew that I was going to talk to? Well, I saw her and went up to her and I told her that the people on stage need to be better actors, and they need to smile and look more like they're happy or the little kids won't be interested in our message. They need to be more excited-like not looking bored and stuff.

M:  (Yikes -) You told her that? And what did she say?

J:  Oh, she agreed with me and said she was thinking the same thing.

M:  And that was it?

J:  Yeah, and she hugged me and said thank you.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Matthew 6:34  NIV 

Tornado Sirens

Local footage found on YouTube:

Wow.  Quite a bit went on yesterday afternoon & early evening and it was all over the page.  Comparing this to anything similar from the past, Jordan held things together quite well.

When Jordan's sister came home from volleyball, she asked if I'd heard the tornado sirens going off. Right away, I walked over to the back door and sure enough, they were sounding. I glanced over at Jordan and saw that her eyes were open wide, but I hurried to turn on the radio & tv first ... "Just a minute Jordan." Jordan caught up with me as I pulled up our local radar ... "Jordan, just a second, honey"... on the computer firing questions about taking shelter in the closet, the pets and other things ... "honey, just a second, please" ... which I don't think I heard.  I kept turning up the radio volume trying to hear where the tornado was located ... "Mommy, that's really rude to turn up the radio when I'm trying to ask you a question!" ... but Jordan's voice got louder as she was now dissolving into tears.

It is difficult to prepare a child like this in advance when there is little advance warning.  Had I known at the time we were not going to get hit during this tornado warning, I would have comforted her and answered all of her questions to minimize her sensory onslaught. Instead, I continued to gather more about our weather situation, however I knew from experience, that I needed to be keenly aware of Jordan's presence and how any apparent (or even the perception of my) anxiety would add to her heightened level of stress. What *did* actually help her was logging into the weather app that she has on my older iPhone. In my opinion, this gave her a sense of control and allowed her to see real-time radar which fed her hunger for immediate information.

Thank you Lord for sparing us on this tornadic afternoon & evening.

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13 NIV

Rut-roh. E-mail from a teacher.

Whew. The e-mail wasn't to report an injury nor a problem.
  
My thanks to this teacher for recognizing that Jordan will not easily move past a "worry" like this, for understanding & trying something which might help ease her fear and for keeping a sense of humor.

On Sep 8, 2010, at 10:36 AM, Xxxxx Xxxxxx wrote:
Hello Mrs. Xxxxxxx,

I am writing on behalf of Jordan to ask you if you are doing well in all this rain. Are you safe and dry? Is the house OK? Jordan was concerned that the house was unstable. Hopefully your response will put her mind at ease.

Thanks!

Xxxxx X.

Dear Mrs. Xxxxxx,
Everything is absolutely fine here  :)

What Jordan is referring to is -- our home has some foundation "issues."  It's very similar to the Xxxxxx household. A company came out over a yr ago and they injected soil stabilizer under our home and property, however the stabilizer part didn't go very well, hence cracks everywhere. The company who performed the procedure made a mistake and they've acknowledged it, so hopefully they will repair everything in the future without disagreement.

They would like to reinject the product this month in the areas that haven't responded. Meanwhile, our home has plenty of crack-age which goes wonderfully with the Halloween theme (we love to dress up the place) not too far off in the future.

Thank you Mrs. Xxxxxx. Please tell Jordan things are dry and well. :) Not to worry at all!!

Blessings,
Mrs. Xxxxxxx  :)

I will let her read your response! Thank you writing back. I'm glad you are safe and dry. :)

Xxxxx Xxxxxx

Sixth Grade

Still Setting Up Shop

Something that's making me laugh this morning (& now afternoon) -- knowing I'm a type-A personality, yet I'm still wanting to believe that I can set up a blog in a few hours.  HA!  I wish there were more fonts to choose from, more design choices and better choices for Bible verse gadgets.  Doesn't matter that I only know the very basics of html, I'm all over the web looking for what I'd like to have here.

But this blog is more about Jordan than it is me.  So now it's back to work on the journaling, a teensy bit of cleaning before Jordan gets home from school, then I'll give posting-on-the-spot a try.

Blessings

"He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the light."  Job 12:22 NIV